I have had a load of exposure to coaching sessions, counseling and guidance during my life. With very different styles and approaches. Some were really great, some less so, some... appalling!

That led me to clarify what were for me the qualities that I needed to develop, of course as a coach but also as a human being to feel aligned and whole.

Thanks to those experiences, that reinforced the values that I need to hold on to. Confidentiality is one of them. I know that sounds obvious to most of us. But I have experienced this breach of trust firsthand - as a coachee - and I can tell you that it can severely undermine your sense of security and self! And so I need to state the obvious:

What is expressed during your session must stay confidential!

Embodying the qualities of a coach is not conditioned by having a diploma but an awareness and practice of ethical behaviors. The best training are those that are driving this home.

Right now I am so very lucky to be coached by someone who embodies those qualities that I values. I also have to add that the relationships I am holding close to my heart are imbued with some of those same qualities:

  • He takes into account my own rhythm and where I am at and helps me to see where I did right instead of where I did wrong (that is so important for me as I often tend to see my glass half empty...),
  • He values my choices and help clarify them,
  • He helps me come back to the observer standpoint from an embodied place instead of a separated mentalized and divided self,
  • He doesn't judge the way I'm doing things,
  • He never uses weaknesses and respect vulnerability (unfortunately I have experienced both in my upbringing and in "guidance"): everyone can feel vulnerable at one time or another. And that's ok! Hey, we are human!

So if a coach exhausts you, drains you, "kicks your ass" because it's his/her role ? (no it's not!), doesn't give you time to mature your experiences, does the work for you, makes you dependent, FLEE!!!
Any person who devalues you, whether behind your back or in front of it, is not a trustworthy person.

And even without going that far, a coach is a person like everybody else and may have their own issues and may as every other human beings have their own limitations and projections. So using your own judgement is paramount when deciding with whom you are going to do a deep work with...

I feel I haven't scratched even a smidge off the subject and there is a lot to be said about that.

A while ago, I had this idea of interviewing coaches about their work, their approaches and their ethics so that I would develop my own awareness but also show that there are as many types of coaches that they are people as their styles is linked to their own story, point of view and events that shaped who they are.

Writing this post gave me energy to put that into place.
I'll definitely keep on exploring that subject.