... Because I've been feeling worn out and because everything was blocked. Truth be told, I have felt like this multiple times (with a very high percentage here in France!).
So with my birthday looming close, I decided that I had enough and it was time for me to change things radically.
I went back from the north of France to where I left my ex and my stuff and deal with what was spread around and gather everything. I didn't know what to do with it and it took me awhile before I could figure this out : sell everything or put it in a storage box - have closure on my relationship with my ex. I put it all in a storage and I put closure on the type of relationship I had with him... We definitely are still friends [After 5 months, we still talk and have great conversation ?].
Concerning on what to do next I felt torned: stay in Nantes, go to Brittany so that things could be prepared for my next chapter... or completely change my scene (Ireland, Spain, Portugal,...?)
I really enjoyed this short stay in Nantes and found myself appreciate the city much more than when I was there because I stayed in the greatest part of the town. But I still ended up feeling that it was temporary and time for me to go.
To be honest I was really tired and didn't know what to do. I had to make decisions on so many things that my brain (and heart) were impossible to connect together.
I had this feeling of wanting to meet people I knew online or friends I haven't seen for ages and this felt like a great opportunity to meet with them (the room I was staying in needed to be given back to the person). So I called to organize this journey and travel ride... but no one replied.
So on my birthday, I felt compelled to refocus: open myself up to adventures and realign to my own desire. No one was available so I decided to leave wherever I could and see... No big plans for the future. Just what was being offered in the present... and take it.
So I decided to go to another country. Ireland was on my mind but somehow it just didn't feel right to do it now. And the price was too high for my budget.
I often talked about going to Spain & Portugal but was thinking that learning a new language could be too much for me... Well, when this was not an issue anymore (I will do just fine), it just made more sense to go there. Because the truth is that I needed to explore new ground, change my pace, be on a real holiday without going into my usual pattern of worrying and doubting everything.
The goal was to reconnect and put my mind at rest. And not worry about where I "should" settle down...
I've searched so much and wasted so much energy trying to find my base that I got lost... I even dealt with a crooked landlord who owes me money. [Edit: a year later after the events I am still waiting... even with a lawyer on my side!]
So this is not going to be the focus for the next month.
I am definitely going to find a business structure to suit my need for movement. And I may put it in Ireland. We'll see. [Edit: I did let go of that idea]
For now, I'm in the airport and I'm going to Spain tonight.
