You see I tend to feel that my life had no meaning and didn't make sense. That everything that happened was a bummer (I felt a victim of my circumstances and help my parents responsible for my situation) blaing them the way they have been blaming me.

What is happening right now is that at last I am beginning to understand what my mess is and how that is my message.
And let's this be clear. You may not relate to my mess at all. You will have your own story and your own way of making sense of it. Metaphors are a great way of reclaiming your story. And it's when I got it that I could get a grip on the why of my presence and clarify even more the resources I've developed during all these years.

It feels less heavy when I look back upon the "failures" and the missed opportunities. It is freeing somehow. And brings me back to right now and what in front of me.

I was so looking outside of myself, always reaching out and feeling misaligned and compensating the lack I felt by relying on others to fill that gap that I was not looking at my own resources and attending my own spot. A bit like if someone had a land but was giving the ownership to someone else in the hope that they would take care of it where it's his/her responsibility to begin with.
(I am using the past not to say that I'm over it - because I'm not - but to express that I am in the process of shifting my view.)

Now, the notion of responsibility for me is quite tricky and I have often looked at it as a guilty way of putting a load onto someone. So I would for a long time be quite defensive about that.
But if I look at it, the "ability to respond", is about discerning what is within one's space and what is not. to reclaim the ownership of one's space and all the resources that are yours. This is so liberating and empowering!

If your mess doesn't make sense right now, have a go at looking at the metaphors that speaks to you.
Mine are related to space, and its synonyms: containers, field, spot, place, zone, area, ground, etc...
A friend uses the symbolism of a kite to convey her point of view and what she does.

Everyone has a different mess so don't worry if someone else doesn't get it. The most important is that you do find your way of owning it so that it can express its message and wisdom back to you.